My words became like little daggers piercing myself until the life force drained away.
My movements became robotic.
up, down, left, right
up, down, left, right
Did I sleep last night? Did I wake this morning? Did the work get done? Never.
It's blurring, spinning, jumping, shaking, vibrating....out of control.
That vibration shook Mother Earth, and the dead and the undead.
I couldn't hear, or smell or taste anymore.
I vomited it all out, for 3 days in the bathroom, puking and sobbing and barely hanging on. To what you ask, are you sick, are you ok? Sick of the thoughts, they all came purging up the ones I had suppressed and hidden. The evil one died that day.
The dead and undead coached me through it all. They watched me drown and held my hand until I was ready to be pulled up for breath.
They gave me water when I was thirsty and stillness when the spinning got to be too much.
Mother Earth knew I was emerging and responded by turning grey for many days. After I while I could see only the red again. A piercing stab of color and life again almost hurt to look at.
Lights offended me and sounds disturbed me. I could barely tolerate the sounds of my own breath.
All I could focus on was "Right now, everything is perfect," "Drink water", "Breath"
I had to learn to breath again.....exhale........inhale.....breathe in faith.......breathe out fear.........breathe in faith.......breathe out fear......
I learned to tell time again, not by the clock, but by the way the sun hits my trees and windows. I learned that there are many, many more seasons than four.
I listened to what my body was saying and allowed the birds to be my alarm clock. "Right now, everything is perfect" "drink water" "breathe:
I am still learning, but for now, that is ok.
